Subscribe and Start Suffering

Imagine you are beaten and alone, nailed to a tree, slowly dying of thirst and heat. A vulture is coming to tear out your throat. It will be a quick merciful death if you let it kill you. If you bite off its head, you will survive to suffer another hour… and maybe to gain vengeance against evil. Subscribing to the Contemplations on the Tree of Woe newsletter is a lot like biting the head off that vulture. Most people would rather die than subscribe, but only those who do subscribe have a chance of avenging themselves upon their enemies and hearing the lamentations of their women.

All the Vultures Flocking to You

If you subscribe, you won’t have to worry about the vultures passing you by to peck out the eyes of someone else. Every new edition of the newsletter goes directly to your inbox. We bring the woe to you.

Come Hang Out

There’s nothing like hanging out on the Tree of Woe. No, really, there’s nothing like it. It’s the most excruciating experience possible for man. But valor pleases Crom. So if you’re foolish enough to subscribe, you will find yourself in the company of heroes.

To find out more about the Chthonic artificery that powers this newsletter, visit Substack.com.